Dallas, TX – If it’s possible for Psychiatry to hit a new low in their approach to finding new customers, it’s just been reached. Telemarketing Phone Psychs. Psychiatry’s quick fix for being axed from Medicaid rolls due to fraud.
If you’ve had a recent death in the family, suffered an accident or a serious financial setback, don’t be surprised if the next time you sit down to dinner your meal is interrupted by an annoyingly aggressive psychiatrist asking if you’re feeling sad or depressed.
A telemarketing sales training company based in Dallas is teaching psychiatrists all over the country how to “dial for drug dollars” thanks to the investigative efforts of Senator Grassley (R, Iowa).
It seems psychiatrists all over the country have had to turn into “phone psychs” after the plug got pulled on their Medicaid feed tubes. And in true psychiatric form, they’re using death notices, personal injury suits, bankruptcy filings and foreclosure notices for their “call lists.”
Darrin Skid, President and CEO of TelSel, Inc. said he got the idea of dialing for drug dollars after he read a report about Senator Grassley’s investigation of Medicaid abuse. “When I heard about all the psychs getting busted for Medicaid fraud, I thought it would be a golden opportunity and sure enough, psychs are signing up in droves to learn the fine art of telemarketing. It’s like manna from heaven for TelSel.”
According to a report in Pharmalot entitled More States Spank High Prescribing Docs, ”For the past two years, US Senator Chuck Grassley has pressed all 50 states to provide data on doctors who write huge numbers of prescriptions for specific drugs that are paid for by Medicaid programs. Why? There were reports indicating certain meds – widely used anti-psychotics and the OxyContin painkiller – have sometimes been prescribed at unusually high rates.”
Skid said, “I heard in Oregon, 67 prescribers (18 percent of 367 prescribers) were shit-canned from Medicaid contracts all because of the Grassley investigation. And it doesn’t look like he’s gonna shut his pie hole anytime soon.”
“And that’s just Oregon,” said Skid. “They’re dropping like flies all over the country. Poor bastards can’t catch a break, if ya know what I mean. Which is good for us, but I’m just sayin’.”
Skid went on to say, “the psychs seem to be real naturals at this. They fit right in and are taking to “phone psychs” like ducks to water. Almost like they were born to bullshit people – especially the elderly. Man, they love to hook rich old goats who have just lost their wife. They’re sad, depressed and the perfect candidates for antidepressants. Plus they don’t give a shit about Medicaid, they can pay the bills themselves. You should see the psychs drool when they get one of these fish on the line. I’m thinkin’ we’re gonna have to invest in drool cups. Know what I mean?”
“And the good news is, we found an exemption loophole in the Do Not Call policy that allows psychs to call whoever they want, provided they think the person may do harm to themselves or others. We got it dicked, baby.”DISCLAIMER: This blog is fictional parody written by a real estate nut who makes things up and writes them down. Don't believe a word she says.