Cincinnati, Oh – Graham Collins’ real inner child self threw a major hissy fit at Kroger’s self-scan checkout this past Wednesday after Collins mistakenly scanned his co-dependent self instead.
“Damn it to hell, said the inner child. I swear he does that on purpose. He always ignores me and tries to pretend I don’t exist. Well, I’ve got news for him. He may not be able to see me but I’m in here and I’m not going away.”
“Don’t mind him, he doesn’t really mean what he says, apologized Collins’ co-dependent self. He probably just had a bad day at the office, that’s all.”
Collins, director of group therapy at the Self Center™ and a self-proclaimed germaphobe reluctantly decided to use the Self-Scan checkout Wednesday after noting all the regular check-outs were manned by special needs baggers.
“I can’t stand the thought of my food getting mashed by one of those bagtards,” said Collins. “I avoid them at all cost. For all I know they could have just come from the men’s room and we all know what Robintard and his merry band of mouth breathers do behind those doors.”
The scanning error caused a store-wide computer dysfunction which Collins feels can be effectively treated with a long-term course of psychotropic medication if monitored by a psychiatric physician for compliance.
“Assholes need to scrap those self-scanners and bagtards.” said Collins. “They’re a pain in our ass.”
“You Go Graham!, said the inner child.”
“Poor dear must be tired,” replied co-dependent self.
“I can tell time,” chimed in one of the baggers. “Wanna see my lunch box?”
Kroger officials could not be reached for comment.
DISCLAIMER: This blog is fictional parody written by a real estate nut who makes things up and writes them down. Don't believe a word she says. 
